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A lifestyle blog by a London gal who loves plants, metal, bleaching my hair and Osaka

Tuesday 12 May 2020

V. Important book recommendations for when life kicks you in the teeth// What a Time to be Alone and How to Get Over a Boy by Chidera Eggerue and Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur

What a time to be alone by Chidera Eggerue, milk and honey by Rupi Kaur and a teapot with a tea cup on a silver tray

Hi gang, so the world has gone mad lately and we in the UK are in lockdown along with a lot of the rest of you, so it's a perfect time to crack on with projects and being creative and basically anything other than refreshing the BBC news app every 2 minutes...

You've probably heard of Chidera Eggerue a.k.a. The Slumflower- she's been in the media a lot recently promoting her books, presenting a documentary about pubic hair, she started the campaign #saggyboobsmatter and generally is amazing and gorgeous and insightful.
I genuinely think everyone regardless of gender, sexuality or relationship status could learn a lot from these (although they are centred on straight cis girls so obvs I am very much the target audience) so here's my little book review.

What a time to be alone// 

This book is Chidera's first, and is full of general wisdom. I also love that she's put loads of Igbo Nigerian proverbs in there. It's never been more relevant than now when we're all socially distancing. Personally I've always absolutely hated my own company, and always have some music or podcast on trying to drown my thoughts out. I'd got a little better living on my own last year, but I'm still a definite extrovert and need to work on enjoying my own company more. I've been reading and re reading this book and recommending it to everyone I know.

How to get over a boy// 

This book came out recently and honestly it came into my life right when I needed it- I bought it post breakup. It's got more text than what a time to be alone, talking about attachment styles, emotionally unavailable people, you name it.

It also makes you examine some hard things about yourself- how you may letting people take advantage or have a saviour complex. She talks about how women feeling pressure to be strong and feminist often leads to them putting more work in the relationship, and that it's ok to want to be taken care of sometimes. And that actually you deserve to be taken care of and not to accept someone in your life that doesn't bring anything good to your life. In both books Chidera stresses how important it is to have standards.

I honestly have re-read both of these, took copious notes, and also cried A LOT when I realised how I'd never put myself first, even though I really intended to. And my low self worth and desperation to please and be as *convenient* as possible probably lead people to subconsciously take me for granted, even if they didn't mean to.

Also very relevant to me was Chidera's 30 day detox plan to get yourself back on your feet after a breakup. Obviously lots of the things like taking yourself to a restaurant aren't feasible atm but for now


I know it's hard, but blocking you ex's social media will (hopefully) make you feel so. much. better.  No need for them to be top of mind (or top of feed!) any more. Even if you want an amicable breakup and you might be able to be friends one day, you can't heal unless you give yourselves some space from each other I think.

milk and honey by Rupi Kaur//

I'm not normally really one for poetry to be honest, but these poems are so raw and real and beautiful. There are a few about heartbreak and moving on which I really needed. I read the sun and her flowers last year which is also so gorgeous. I remember these poems were all over tumblr back in the day because of how beautiful the books are, and It's funny because I'd ordered this and what a time to be alone from the library before we broke up, not realising how much things would change and how much I'd need them.

I'm going to use the social isolation time to get as many creative projects done as possible, read lots of hard books and study Japanese more. And post- corona (fingers crossed....) I'm gonna leap on tinder, work on myself, have fun with my friends, go to gigs and take photos and wear lairy clothes and have myself a hot girl summer!!

For now I'm still crying and listening to my (excellent) breakup playlist (I might share that here if anyone's interested haha) , but I'll pick myself up in the end. If you can't get your hands on the books atm, Chidera's insta is @theslumflower and she's been on several podcasts and youtube channels sharing her wisdom. She was on the amazing Cheap Chat podcast recently and Emma Gannon's ctrl alt delete to name a couple.

I know it's really hard for everyone at the moment with coronavirus and the associated panic, so please let's all look after each other and ourselves ok?? <3 <3

(And if you have any banging breakup songs please let me know)

Thanks for reading!
-Amy xoxo

Room tour of my Shizuoka apartment and my tips for renting in Japan// How I passed the JLPT N1//  Bleach outlet sale haul: What I bought myself for xmas

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